“Place your own oxygen mask before attempting to assist others.” If you’ve flown on a commercial airplane you’ve heard this. It means that if you want to help others, you first have to do what it takes to help yourself. In “Embracing The I In Team” I discussed a useful tool for helping yourself, Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs. After satisfying those needs to the fullest a person will be strong enough to move mountains. 

Just as you cannot help someone else before you are strong, another person cannot help you before that person is strong. It’s on you to be good to you. It’s on you to take care of you. If you feel that you need to be stronger, turn to the most reliable source; you…

Using the hierarchy of needs you can build your strength and be everything that you want to be. Here’s how.

Satisfy Your Physiological Needs

Your basic physiological needs include things like air, water, food, shelter, sleep, waste, and sex. Satisfy all of these needs to the fullest extent possible. 

-Breathing air is mostly a given. This happens automatically. You’re covered! In some instances, like a nervous experience, people will stop breathing normally. Taking deep breath’s and exhaling is a useful method for reaching a calmer state of mind.

**Discuss food with your doctor before making any dietary changes**

-Water is key for hydration, blood flow, skin health, and energy. Water without sugar is best. Drink as much plain water as you can. Sparkling water helps with the transition from sugary juices and sodas to water.

-Food is very important, not just for satisfying hunger, but also for mental state. Eating green vegetables, foods high in fiber, fish, and lean meats have been shown to be very beneficial. You know what the more healthful foods are. Eat them and both your health and mood will improve.

-Shelter doesn’t just mean having a home. It means doing whatever you can to make that home feel comfortable. Low cost actions such as cleaning, using scenting, and finding battery powered candles for mood lighting can improve the quality of the least comfortable shelters. Care for and show appreciation for your environment. It will improve your physical health and mental state.

-Sleep is vital. Finding a way to get more of it is vital. Body recovery/healing takes place while you sleep. Sleep will slow aging, and improve thought and clarity. More sleep equates to a better mood. Good moods lead to inspiration. Inspiration leads to thrival. Yeah I said it… THRIVAL! When inspired, you will thrive!

-Waste… Not much to say here except don’t hold it in. Release it as it comes, but please release it in another room thank you!

-Sex is actually a need. People need sex. In addition to reproduction, sex will lead to the production/release of brain chemicals that give us a sense of relaxation and connection. You’ll see more about how relaxation and connection have a positive impact on productivity and collaboration. Obviously sex must be consensual. If you aren’t finding a consensual partner then just do it by yourself. Yeah I said that too! Sex with a partner is amazing but masturbation will get the job done. This is in all seriousness. Figure out how to satisfy this need.

Safety

You have the ability to chose what you believe is the safest possible environment. There’s a lot that is not within your control but there is a lot that is. You already have criteria for what you believe is a safe place. Go there. You can’t afford not to. Being safe and feeling safe is a must if you’re going to be the strongest you can be.

Having access to resources is an aspect of safety. Having an income makes us feel safe. Knowing where our next meal is coming from makes us feel safe. We all need to know where to go to get access to the resources, and yes, it will be much easier for some than others. Either way, a person must find access to resources, and honestly, when times really get challenging, people do find a way. 

Love and Belonging

This is really where people begin to feel lack. It occurs at all income levels, in all genders, and in all races. People often wonder, “Why doesn’t anyone care about me?” A tough pill to swallow is coming, but I believe in you. I believe you can handle it.

The problem isn’t that you aren’t getting enough love from other people. The problem is that you aren’t getting enough love from yourself. The world can shower you with love but if you aren’t loving yourself, you won’t notice the love the others have for you. 

We all have a habit of saying hurtful things to ourselves. We notice and point out all of our flaws. We do it so often that sometimes we don’t even know we’re doing it. We think that by pointing out our flaws we are shedding light on a thing we can make go away. The fact is, the more you focus on a flaw, the bigger it becomes for you. The result is dwindling self love.

It’s time to feel a big rush of love. It’s time to focus on personal strengths. This takes practice, but is one of the most important things a person can do in life. Start paying attention to thoughts about yourself and label them. Accept that the negative thoughts are not worth your time. Embrace any and all positive thoughts of yourself. This takes practice. This takes practice. This takes practice. It takes practice, but once you get good at this, it won’t matter who else has love for you. You will give yourself all the love you need. Interestingly, you will start to notice the love that others have for you.

Esteem

Self esteem is what happens when you set out to accomplish things and you consistently accomplish them. Those successes feel good and are good for you. The easiest way to build self esteem is to set easier goals and accomplish them. As you progress, the goals become more challenging, but you continue to rise to the challenges.

A pre-curser to self esteem is unconditional positive regard for yourself. It means that you accept that you are worthy and love-able. You accept that you belong here and that you are invaluable. Unconditional positive regard is not contingent upon any action. If you sit on your ass all day long and do nothing, you should still know that you are worthy/capable/important.

Unconditional positive regard leads to the inspiration that excites people to be highly productive in the most efficient ways. Think about this familiar anecdote… 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried talking, I’ve tried grounding, I’ve tried taking away his Xbox! He just never learns. Jonathan won’t apply himself in school! All he wants to do is lay around and play that video game!”

This parent with a “lazy” kid means well but doesn’t understand what is happening here. Jonathan’s lacking motivation comes from a lack of unconditional positive regard. It’s rare that someone says to him, “I appreciate you,” “I love you,” “You mean the world to me.” Because he never hears this, Jonathan doesn’t think of himself as capable. He doesn’t think of himself as smart. He thinks that the only thing he’s good at is playing video games. In doing the “one thing he’s good at,” video games, he’s found the one thing that makes him feel worthy.

Encouraging Jonathan is as simple as telling him, “You are important,” “You matter,” “I love you.”

Jonathan’s parents are not to blame. Did you see that coming? 😉 Jonathan’s parents are not to blame. Could they have done things differently? Sure, but they are not to blame. 

Jonathan is not to blame. It is, however, Jonathan’s responsibility to find an unconditional positive regard for himself. Jonathan has to find a way to accept that, no matter what anyone else says, he is valuable. He is needed. He is worthy. The day that Jonathan finds his own positive regard, his world will change. He will find his inspiration. He will discover a mountain of things he’s good at. He will also find a new way of interpreting the things his parents used to say to him. He will see that even though the words they used weren’t nice, they were just doing the best they could to help him be the most he could be, and that’s because they love him. Jonathan will find an unconditional positive regard for his parents and they will find it for him.

Finding unconditional positive regard is just a matter of repetition. Knowing that you are worthy is just a belief. A belief is just a repeated thought. You have to repeat the thought often. You have to constantly remind yourself that you are worthy as you are. If a person receives a message every three minutes (I’m guessing here) that she is unworthy, she needs to remind herself every two minutes that she is worthy. It takes that much effort and it is that worth it!

Knowing that you are worthy, that you belong, that you are lovable will make you so strong. You will be strong beyond what you could ever imagine. My words will not be able to do it justice. Your experience of worthiness, however, will make you feel amazing. It will inspire you, you’ll be the most productive you’ve ever been, and collaborating with those around you will be the easiest it has ever been.

-Mike Humphreys