Years ago I accepted that happiness is a choice. I knew it consciously and expected my life to immediately change. It didn’t. While I had conscious knowledge of what needed to happen, I didn’t have the necessary habit of thought. Learning how to incorporate what I’ve learned would become an ever lasting journey.  

At times I wanted to kick myself for not remembering that happiness is a choice. I was under the impression that since I’d accepted the idea, I should always remember it, but in the beginning I would constantly forget.

After a while I began to realize that change does not result just because I learned a new idea. Somehow, what I learned needed to become as automatic as breathing. It needed it to become a habit of thought. 

It wasn’t easy but the journey was so worth while. I learned that forming a new habit required repetition of action, or in this case, repetition of thought. The repeated thought needed to be triggered and rewarded. For triggers, I’ve used phone reminders and little notes taped to the walls in my home. The reward has been to acknowledge that I’m taking more control over my life, and with that control, I would shape the happy life that I want.

The triggers and the rewards are the easy parts for me. The challenging part was actually shifting my focus onto more positive things. If a driver cut me off and then gave me the finger it would be very tough for me to appreciate that the sun was shining. It was very easy to focus on the negative experience because that was my existing habit of thought. 

I had to make a decision. I had to decide that my happiness was more important than any desire for retribution. I had to decide that I would do whatever it takes to appreciate the sun. My internal dialogue went something like this…

“That guy was such an asshole but the sun is shining. I’m tempted to think more about the asshole but I’m going to appreciate the sun. I’m going to appreciate the sun because that appreciation is good for me. Thinking about that thing I’m tempted to think about will lead to stress for me. I don’t want stress. It sucks. I want to be happy. I have a happy thing to appreciate. I’m going to appreciate that the sun is shining. This day is beautiful. I deserve to enjoy the beauty in this day. I want to enjoy the beauty in this day. When I woke up this morning I wanted to be happy and that is still true. To be happy I need to appreciate this happy sun right now.” 

Dialogues like this helped a lot. At first I’d still strongly feel the frustration of my negative experience. I’d have to repeat the dialogue over and over. In time I began to notice that the frustration wouldn’t last quite as long. My appreciation, however, was beginning to thrive. This was the beginning of an on-going journey.

Happiness is a choice. For me, that’s no longer just conscious knowledge, it’s now incorporated into my daily habit of thought. After a few years on this journey, I’m almost never frustrated by aggressive drivers. Small things don’t really frustrate me now, however big things still do. I still need the dialogue and probably always will. That’s the journey.

-Mike Humphreys