Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Have you ever felt stuck in a place where you were giving it your all, 110% of your ability, yet you still couldn’t accomplish what you set out to do? Lots of people get stuck there. They really do their best to get the job done, but can’t seem to pull it off. They feel a great deal of stress as a result and assume that they must need to try harder. That’s what many of us were taught. Try harder if you want to succeed. Ironically, if you want to succeed, you should stop trying…

Does that sound absolutely crazy? It might, but it’s the sanest, most productive thing to do.

“Don’t try, just do…” This first reason for not trying will be covered in another article.

Consider this story about Lexie and Karen. Both attend the same gym and on this night, they are the only two members still working out. Both are jogging on treadmills spaced about twenty feet apart. The only staff member on duty comes by to alert them that the gym will close shortly. As he approaches Karen and Lexie, Steve notices unusual looking wires attached to both treadmills. He follows the wires and discovers that they lead to a speed sensor, an ignitor, and dynamite. Steve notices a tick mark on the speed sensor and concludes that this bomb will detonate if either Karen or Lexie’s treadmill is slowed below six miles per hour. After warning the ladies, he immediately leaves for help. This would be the last they’d see of Steve that evening.

Being somewhat more athletic Lexie finds it easier to handle the run, but after thirty minutes, both women are beginning to get tired. After having a particularly rough time, Karen takes a chance and slows her treadmill to 5.9 miles per hour. After a chilling thirty seconds, she determines that she can slow her treadmill further. Over the next fifteen minutes, without saying anything to Lexie, Karen brings her treadmill to a stop. 

Excited and relieved, Karen draws the conclusion that the bomb must not be active. Lexie finally notices that Karen isn’t running. Exhausted and furious, she screams at Karen, “Get back on before you get us both killed!”

Karen is perplexed. At this point, her treadmill has been below six miles per our for over fifteen minutes and there was no explosion. Why should Lexie expect her to start running again. In fact, shouldn’t they explore the possibility that if Karen didn’t need to be running, maybe Lexie didn’t either?

Burned out and barely able to keep up her speed, Lexie becomes more fearful and angry at Karen. As Lexie sees it, she is the only one that cares enough to do what it takes to keep the bomb from detonating. She knows Karen is trying to explain something to her, but her energy is completely taxed, and all she wants is for Karen to start running again. Lexie is concerned that the sensor will eventually recognize the fact that only one treadmill is running.

Having regained her energy and being in a clearer state of mind, Karen has an idea that should meet both Lexie’s desire and her own. Karen starts up her treadmill and sets it to 6.5 miles per hour, but she doesn’t get back on the treadmill. After inspecting the treadmill, she determines that there is no weight sensor, and it shouldn’t matter that she’s not still running. Karen is quite proud of herself, but Lexie grows angrier. She still assumes that Karen is risking their lives.

Karen is sure that the explosive will not detonate, even though she isn’t on her treadmill. She inspects Lexie’s treadmill and determines that neither treadmill has a weight sensor. Lexie could jump off at any time. Karen pleads with her, but Lexie refuses as she grows more and more exhausted. Completely out of ideas, Karen explains to Lexie that while she doesn’t want to leave her alone, Karen needs to leave and get help. 

After Karen leaves, a rush of anger overwhelms Lexie. She can’t believe how selfish Karen is acting. With so many thoughts rushing through her head, Lexie rapidly loses energy. She knows she is about to stop running. Having no energy left, the sensation of fear somewhat subsides and she jumps off of the treadmill.

As Lexie lays on her back next to two spinning treadmills, she realizes she is still alive and wants to get out of the gym. She barely has the energy to crawl. As she starts to make her way out, help arrives, and she is carried out. Over the next hour, Lexie rests, and is given intravenous fluids to help her rehydrate. With Karen by her side, Lexie begins to realize that she could have jumped off of her treadmill when Karen did. 

The bomb squad officially determines that the gym is safe and had some obnoxious information about the explosive device; it was a fake. The dynamite was real, but the speed sensor was not connected to anything other than the treadmills, and the ignitor wasn’t real.

Lexie and Karen are angry, but also relieved, and exchange words of compassion and love. Lexie can’t believe the way she acted, but Karen expects no apologies. She understands that given the stress Lexie was under, she could not think clearly. In fact, most people in Lexie’s position would act similarly.

People find themselves in these situations every day. Thanks to bad advice or poor information from a well meaning person, they find themselves acting before giving meaningful consideration to the challenge they face. The action they take is almost always incredibly inefficient and/or ineffective. The intuitive solution is to try harder, but as Karen demonstrated, trying less is key.

Don’t give up on the challenge, just pause. Stop / breathe / take care of yourself. Assess your own condition. If you have unmet needs, meet those needs. Rising to the challenge requires you to be self actualized.

When you feel energized and inspired, that is the time to work on solutions. You know what that feels like. It’s when you feel confident and are sure you can handle the situation.

After taking care of yourself, assess your environment. You will see it in a clear light, and you will know exactly what it needs.

-Mike Humphreys